Anime Farm #8: Overdue

While on the ship ride back home, Astuski and Cluckers have cooked their first batch of minerals since for a while. They prepared the batch to the new captain Chuggs Cummy 2G who is jamming to his mixtape inside the Titanic’s bridge.

“You guys are goddamn artists!”, Chuggs cheered the chickens for the batch, “Go ahead and make me some more!”

“Alright!”, the chickens went back to the lab to produce another batch of rocks.

Chuggs then inserts another one of his mixtapes into the Titanic’s stereo. The song that played this time is Livin’ on a Prayer by Bob Jovi indicating that they’re halfway there to New Jersey, their destination.

Meanwhile, beneath the lab and the bridge has placed a prison where one slave wants to make an escape out of his rotten cell. The prisoner goes by the name of Jin Woo. Jin Woo is a 65-year-old Chinese immigrant who once screamed in front of Joseph Stalin back in the old Soviet Union. From that scream, Stalin had a heart attack and died. The Communists then throw Baby Jin Woo into his cell in the Titanic where he remained there for the rest of his life.


Jin Woo moans while eating what appears to be his last supper: A McDonald’s Happy Meal.

The Happy Meal theme was Discover the World of Super Mario. Jin Woo got a Luigi toy as part of the Happy Meal. He doesn’t like it.

“Why does Luigi look like he has Terminal 7?”, Jin Woo angrily questioned.

Jin Woo then uses the Luigi toy in an attempt to saw himself out his prison cell.

Later above the prison, Astuski and Cluckers are finishing whipping up their second batch of minerals until Chuggs hollered in joy from the bridge.

“LAND HOEEEEEEEEEE!”, Chuggs called as the Titanic reached the Jersey Shore. It stopped at the dock where the Jizz Kalifa manga rots.

“Welcome home, boys,” Chuggs said to the chickens as the three get out of the Titanic.

“Home sweet home!”, Cluckers rejoices.

“Not yet, Cluckers, not yet,” Astuski utters.

“What’s going on now, brother? We’re home! Relax!”, Cluckers says to Astuski.

Astuski then pulls out Mr. Halket’s unloaded gun.

“I have unfinished business to attend to,” Astuski reasons with Cluckers and then walks away in a sharp direction.

“Astuski, come back!”, Cluckers begs.

The mad Astuski didn’t stop where he was heading.

“Don’t worry, matee. They always come back. It’s a cliche in movies… A very, very, bad cliche,” Chuggs trying to cheer up Cluckers while beginning to panic.

Astuski arrives at the Confort Inn hotel to start a “meeting”. He goes up to the concierge and demands to speak with the heads of the mineral enterprise that he formerly worked for.

Meanwhile, Cluckers is at his home with Chuggs now living with him and Astuski. They were watching Star Shrek until someone knocked on the door.


Chuggs Cummy opened the door and exclaimed, “OMG, it’s George Lucas creator of Star Shrek! I’m a big fan of fans!”

“That’s right and I got a delivery for YOUUUU, soldier boy!”

George Lucas then throws the UPS package to Chugg’s face and then leaves the doorstep.

“Ow, motherfucker!”, Chuggs shouted.

George Lucas then immediately rams the UPS truck to another destination.

“I hate my life…”, George Lucas thought while driving 75mph.

The UPS truck was then already out of the neighborhood.

Chuggs then brings in the package and put it on a table.

Cluckers gets the pleasure of opening up the package and then a life-sized spoon gets out of the package.

“Hello,” the glamorous spoon said.

“Holy fuck!”, Chuggs in fear.

“Oh hello, cutie,” Cluckers replied, “Wanna go out?”

“Oh I would love to,” the spoon said.

Cluckers and the spoon then leaves the house, leaving Chuggs on the floor petrified.

Back at the Confort Inn hotel, Astuski sat down in a vacant room waiting for the heads of the underground mineral enterprise that he formerly worked for.

A moment later, his old employer came with heavily-armed guards and sat straight from Astuski.

“Astuski, long time no see,” Mr. Monkey, the employer, greets to Astuski.

“Mr. Monkey, I have a problem,” Astuski brought up.

Mr. Monkey then leans on his chair to where Astuski sat.

“What kind of problem…”

“The Harpoon Master, my co-worker, has killed fourty-two of my clients. All I want is coordinates to his home address and some bullets,” Astuski demanded.

Mr. Monkey then thinks.

“No. Once you take Confort Inn oath, you cannot kill an associate. I’m afraid I can’t do that, Astuski,” Mr. Monkey explained.

Astuski then remembers that he taken a blood oath to be with Mr. Monkey’s enterprise of Confort Inn. He pulled out his oath marker with his own blood stain from his pocket.

“See that, Astuski? You were one of us. I don’t even get why you even left Confort Inn in the first place to work for that fat fuck, Hank Schrader,” Mr. Monkey said as he pointed out Astuski’s blood marker, “I want you to return to the Confort Inn. Work for us again! It’ll be great!”

“Yeah, but how about this: I get the coordinates and I will make a comeback,” Astuski makes a deal with Mr. Monkey.

“Alright, fine,” Mr. Monkey accepts the deal, “But, you cannot kill Harpoon Master.”

“Okay,” Astuski said while getting out of his seat about to leave the meeting.

“Astuski,” Mr. Monkey calls out, “We’ll meet again.”

“Sure,” Astuski leaving that under uncertainty.

Astuski has then left the room and back onto the streets where he goes to his arms dealer for some bullets, breaking the deal that he had with Mr. Monkey.

“Bullets, I need bullets,” Astuski said to his arms dealer.

“Welcome back, Astuski,” said the arms dealer.

The arms dealer, after searching through a wide inventory of magazines, gave Astuski the right bullets that could fit Mr. Halket’s gun.

“Thank you,” Astuski said as he walks away solemnly.

“Appreciated,” the arms dealer said.

Astuski looked at the coordinates that Mr. Monkey gave him. He then loads Mr. Halket’s gun with his new set of bullets and goes to Harpoon Master’s residence.

Astuski knocks on the front door of Harpoon Master’s supposed house. No response came from inside.

Astuski, impatient, kicks open the door aiming Mr. Halket’s gun.

Harpoon Master, busy eating his Ruffles chips while watching porn on his computer, immediately came up from his chair and rushed out of his room to see what was going on.

When Astuski finally sees Harpoon Master, he points the gun at his head.

“Astuski, is that you?”, Harpoon Master realized.

“Shut the fuck up and admit that you killed fourty-two of my clients!”, Astuski demanded.

“I have no idea what you are talking about. Please put the gun down and walk away,” Harpoon Master suggested.

“Those clients owe me! And then, you killed them! For what?!”, Astuski said.

“Look, I can explain everything just-“, Harpoon Master utters before he gets shot by Astuski in the forehead.

“Why, Astuski? Why?”, Harpoon Master’s last words to Astuski before he dies.

Astuski then drops Mr. Halket’s gun and says to Harpoon Master’s corpse, “Go to hell AND STAY THERE!”

A few minutes later, the local police came to the residence and discovered the dead Harpoon Master, an insane Astuski, and Hank Schrader’s PornHub video playing on Harpoon Master’s computer.

The police then discard Harpoon Master in a body bag, taken the computer, and arrested Astuski.

Meanwhile, back on the Titanic, Jin Woo was still sawing off the bar using his Luigi toy until he was free at last.

“I’M FREEEEEEEEEE!”, Jin Woo exclaimed in excitement, now wondering what he could do as a free man. He then grabs a nearby crowbar, a HEV suit, and then escapes from the Titanic.


Anime Farm #7: Titanic

Wavy… abstract… out-of-this-world atmosphere… All in motion.

It appears that Astuski has woken up in a strange and bizarre setting. The vision in his eyes keep slowly wobbling. Then, a ghoul-like shadow emerged, coming for Astuski. It was pink… and furry. Once it touched Astuski, it was like a parasitic symbiotic relationship… but deadly.

Boris directs the mob to put the sacks containing Astuski and Cluckers onto the Titanic.

The Titanic holds many prisoners (and fresh meat). Zach and Cody, the twins who were caught shaving Lenin’s death beard, are forced to do a Disney Channel sitcom on the Titanic forever. The show is on it’s 10th season and is broadcasted all over Russia and other countries. China even makes the merchandise too!

Anyway, Astuski and Cluckers were then out of their sacks and are both tied up to a pole somewhere inside the ship.

When the chickens finally wake up, they were greeted by a pirate who likes to play pirated Steam games downloaded from The Pirate Bay.

“My name is Chuggs Cummy 2G, but since you guys look soft, just call me Chuggs Cummy,” the pirate said to the tied-up chickens.

Astuski saw this as an opportunity and offers Chuggs Cummy that he would produce minerals for him full time.

“Deal,” Chuggs agrees as he unties the chickens.

“That’s a good dealio daddy-o”, said Chuggs Cummy.

“Who are you working for?”, asked Cluckers

“It’s hard to say, but I work a guy who works for a guy who plays with a guy who once ate my grandma who works for Cock Blockula.”

“Cock Blockula?!”, the chickens both gasped, “I thought he was just a myth!”

“You know what, this ship, as of now, has a change of leadership,” Chuggs implies.

“Let’s go fight off some goons,” Chuggs insists to the chickens.

Astuski and Cluckers follow Chuggs’ way to the Titanic’s bridge while brutally fighting against mates on the ship with sharp dildos.

“What the hell is going on up there?!”, Cock Blockula questioned on all of the ruckus.

Cock Blockula then pulls out his dildo and comes up to the deck from the captain’s quarters.

A sudden sound of footsteps is heard coming up to the deck. Cock Blockula bursts from the door.

“Nyah, what’s poppin, Cock?”, Chuggs Cummy said to Cock Blockula.

“Enguarde!”, Cock Blockula challenged Chuggs to a duel.

Cock Blockula and Chuggs Cummy then have a duel involving many sword swinging and dick singing fights. Astuski and Cluckers sat down and watched the two duel while eating popcorn.

At the end of a 2 hour long battle, Chuggs Cummy then thrusts his dildo up Cock Blockula’s asshole until the dildo came clean off from his mouth causing the portal effect (whatever that means).

“Looks like this cock blocker is now cooked to medium rare,” as Chuggs Cummy points to the degrees of steak doneness.

“I’m the captain now,” Chuggs said to the Cock Blockula medium rare.

Chuggs then eats the medium rare in one gulp.

“Yummy,” said Chuggs.

Two minutes later, Chuggs Cummy shits out the medium rare.

“I have an awful a lot of diarrhea!”, Chuggs yowled, “Augh, my digestive system!”

“Anyway, where to?”, Chuggs asked the chickens.

“New Jersey,” Astuski responded.

Chuggs then goes inside to the Titanic’s bridge and set sails towards New Jersey.

“Make me some minerals, boys! This trip will take a while!”, Chuggs insists to the chickens enthusiastically as they head towards New Jersey, the chickens’ home.

Chuggs then inserts his mixtape into the ship’s stereo.

“Are you ready?”, Astuski asked Cluckers.

“Let’s do this.”

Astuski and Cluckers then start making minerals inside the ship’s lab to the tune of Highway Star by Deep Purple.

To be continued…