Anime Farm #5: Guy Fieri’s Guide to the Galaxy

In the blustering dunes of the nightly Siberian desert, Astuski and Cluckers are strolling, rolling, and bowling already 200 miles away from Mr. Halket’s shack.

Sometime later, a vroom-vroom sound is heard in the distance.

“What thou be that?!”, Cluckers exclaimed.

It appears to be Mr. Halket himself in his Ford SUV carrying Seinfeld DVD’s in his trunk with a big ass turret aiming at the chickens.

“Eat Seinfeld, BIATCHES!”, Mr. Halket as he shoots his Seinfeld discs at them while screaming to the Seinfeld theme song.

“TACTICAL SEINFELD, INCOMING!”, Astuski yelled as they jump behind a nearby dune.


A few minutes later, Mr. Halket gives up finding the chickens and drives away.

The chickens then stay behind the dune eventually both being frozen in a giant ice cube (how realistic).

While frozen, they start to see something…

A light in front of them…



Guy Fieri from Flavortown!

“Holy shit, I shit my George Lopez undies!”, Astuski said.

Guy Fieri reaches out to the chickens and says, “Come with me and I’ll teach you something, little ooga booga goobers”

They then heard cavemen as they fade into eternal darkness with only one entity: Guy Fieri himself throwing confetti at them.

“What in the name of Joj Hoh Sis is going on around here?”, Astuski demanded.

“Welcome to your inner minds, fathermockers!”, Guy Fieri said.

This is a family-friendly post. No cursing allowed, thank you.

“What’s going on? Why is this post talking to us about cursing?”, Cluckers questioned.

“I have one question for you, what are those? Tehehehe.”, Guy Fieri responded.

“Get to the point, you fat cunt!”, Astuski snapped.

“Let me show you something, Astuski”

Guy Fieri then fiddled with Astuski’s ass and pulled out the entire Solar System.

“Found Uranus in your anus,” Guy Fieri laughed.

“Anyway, this is life as we know it.”


Guy Fieri showed Astuski and Cluckers all the planets in the Solar System in the blink of their eyes. The planets are:

  • Earth
  • Mars (Need Moms)
  • Planet Sheen
  • Route 66
  • Goo Planet
  • Death Star
  • The Chef Blu-ray
  • Shaq

“You have one month to change everything. You must travel to all of these planets before the month is up. You will then ultimately kill the destined one, pink and furry, at the end of the month. Do not let me down,” Guy Fieri commands to the chickens before he shows them his sexy spoon.

“Kalima, Kalima, Chuck-E-Chuck-E-Cheese”, Guy Fieri waving the spoon in front of the chickens’ faces.

Then all of a sudden, the sexy spoon transforms into an actual spoon and jumps to black. Guy Fieri has left the chickens to be.

Astuski and Cluckers, as they’re later unfrozen, wake up somewhere else, far from the dunes where they laid, with a guy standing in front of them.

They’re now in Moscow.

To be continued…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s